Juan Stargiver Juan Stargiver is the pseudonym of poet/composer/musician Francis McGrath
Reviews

Post Alphabits Ceral
1 out of five stars

…

This cereal is non-serial
It did not arrive in order
After hours of alphabetizing
That song is ear-worming
          Now I know my OCD
          Please beat this song out of me

My bowl is littered with non-letters
Commas, periods and quotes
Glyphs from an alien language
Perhaps there was just some breakage
          Now my bowl is DOA
          But I get to punctuate

The nutrients are non-nourishing
Enough sugar for everyone
I ate three boxes in one sitting
My heart is palpitating
          Now I know my EKGs
          The ambulance just came for me

Listerine Freshburst Antiseptic Mouthwash
1 out of five stars

…

Satan is real
I can prove it
Only demons
Know to devise
Such cruel torment

Not the liquid
Not the bottle
But the wrapper
That protects us
From tampering

Deeds of evil
Are twice as bad
When good people
Are tricked to act
Against their will

More evil still
Are the deeds done
Against ourselves
When we are led
To self-abuse

I refer to
Torture that comes
From opening
Protective seals
With fingernails

Pain inflicted
Under armor,
On tender flesh,
Hid underneath
Our fingernails

No questions asked
No secrets spilt
For no reason
We give ourselves
Bamboo torture

SoundAlert 100W Police Siren PA System
1 out of five stars

…

What the world needs is more sirens
What the world needs is wailing in the night
What the world needs is dogs to wake up
          And howl

It is the sound of wretches praying for help
It is the sound of wings beating on the air
It is the sound of angels flying to rescue
          And save

Every time a siren wails a prayer is answered
Every time a siren wails humans become saviors
Every time a siren wails humanity gets a win
          And wings

Confederate Heroes of Gettysburg
(VHS Tape)
1 out of five stars

…

I want to understand my fellow man
I want to respect other opinions
But why would I, how could I praise the men
Who fought for the right to enslave humans

Even if I could accept their beliefs
Praising them defies free thought and reason
Men who rejected their own country's laws
Men who were clearly guilty of treason

They don't deserve placement on pedestals
Take down their statues, regardless of cost
Added to their list of greatest failures
Is that in the end, quite simply, they lost

Apple iPhone X
1 out of five stars

…

They say our phones are more powerful than the supercomputers of yore.
Ancient, valiant machines calculated quests to the moon
Silicon knights guided fiery weapons to conquer their foes
Digital treasurers tallied all the wealth in the kingdom
Binary jousters toppled the kings of chess

My phone's supercomputer is only good for
         Crushing candy,
         Slicing fruit,
         Avian archery,
And the occasional bartering with Amazon

Pyramex Safety Products Snap Lock Suspension Hard Hat, Yellow
1 out of five stars

…

Not reusable
It's designed to fail
Just one accident
It must be replaced

Not as expensive
But just as useless
As a Scorpion Truck Mounted Attenuator
I guess they save lives

Some Feudal Lords and Their Seals
(Book by Thomas Evelyn Scott-El Howard de Walden)
1 out of five stars

…

I would not change places with royalty of old

I imagine a life of ease
          Sitting on a throne
          Demanding food with a finger snap
          Carriages riding me through the realm

But I do have a life of ease
          Working from a chair
          Ordering food with a finger tap
          Ride shares carrying me through the hood

And I get a toilet!

Horizon Organic Half & Half
1 out of five stars

…

A half gallon of half and half
A quarter of a quart
Half-assed
All just half measures

Anything can be halved
Peanut butter and chocolate
Black and Tan
Hall and Oates
War and Peace
The rich and the poor
The halfs and the half nots

But there are things we half to do
Eat and run
Clutch and shift
Divide and conquer
Lift and separate
To half and to hold

Storage Wars: Season 1
(DVD)
1 out of five stars

…

America!
For majestic lockers instead of sheds
Crowned with goods.
Mountains of abundance
Overflown from spacious homes.
It's plain that we
Are engrained to buy
Shining things we see

How to Resist Amazon and Why
(Book by Danny Caine)
1 out of five stars

…

Ouroboros

Beats Studio3 Wireless Noise Cancelling Over-Ear Headphones
1 out of five stars

…

Over-ear?
Overhear!

Overhear what others say
Overhear phone calls
Overhear those who disagree with you
Overhear beats
Overhear unknown music
Overhear unplugged freedom
Overhear rustles of nature
Overhear noise

The Seven Days of Creation: Based on Biblical Texts
(Children's book by Sarah Mazor)
1 out of five stars

…

I'm not omnipotent
Nor omniscient
Nor omnipresent
Nor have I stayed at an Omni hotel

But if I were to create a universe

I would watch every sunrise
          Every sunset
                   Every star as it forms
                            Every star as it dies

I would follow every beam of light as it treks to other stars
          Other planets
                   Other skies
                            Other eyes

I would celebrate every life
          Every life as it forms
                   Every life as it dies
                            Every life as it mutates

I would experience every evolving trait
          Evolving animal
                   Evolving consciousness
                            Evolving civilization

I would revel in every second
          Every nanosecond
                   Every fourteen billion years
                            And every Seven Days

The Planets
(Book by Dava Sobel)
1 out of five stars

…

This is one of my favorite books
Beautifully written
I've read it many times
But it only has one star

One sun
One star

Eight planets
One star

Every person
One star

Every nation
One star

All that we are
One star

Trains in the Night
(Album by Francis McGrath)
1 out of five stars

…

The songs on this album don't include Midnight
No train to Georgia, the whole album through
Come on baby, is this due to emotion?
Maybe I'm crazy, but how does it go?
Should be called "Trains in the Goodnight America How Are You"